Kung Fu Drunk
by Animation Universe 2005
Summary: What if our Dragon Warrior comes back to the palace and appeared.... drunk? It'll have you LOL! Enjoy!


This fic has been on my mind since either April or May. So, I got to thinking, what would happen if the Dragon Warrior went back to the palace and appeared D-R-U-N-K? This fic has total humor and crazy antics, so I hope you guys like it!

And it will have you LOL so hard, you'll ROTFL (roll on the floor laughing). Hope I did a good job on this one!

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Kung Fu Drunk

by: Terrell James

It was late at night and Shifu began to be a little impatient, wondering where Po was. It became apparent that he left without telling the others where and it made Shifu agitated. He walked across the palace, looking for him. He saw Crane and Mantis and asked where Po is. He walked up to them and asked, "You two seen Po?"

"No, master. We haven't seen him all day." said Crane.

"The last time I saw him was this morning." said Mantis.

Shifu sighed angrily as he kept walking and wanted to find where he is. He came up to Tigress and Viper and asked if they saw Po and they said that they haven't seen him. Then, Monkey was the last to ask and he hasn't seen him either. Soon enough, he started to feel a little worried. He was sitting in the steps of the palace until he heard some bad singing coming from across the palace.

He got up and wanted to see where it was until he saw Po, laughing hysterically and walking uncoordinated. Shifu toom a shocking look at him and wondered why he was acting so stupid. Po saw his master out of nowhere and exclaimed, "Hey, master!"

He grabbed his shoulder and laughed loudly, and stupidly. He asked, "How have you been, master?"

Shifu took one whiff of his breath and it smelled revolting. He groaned slightly and asked, "What happened to you, panda?"

"Aw, nothing happened, master. I was just out having some fun."

Then, one thought struck him down in a shocking, yet suspicious way. He asked, "Panda, have you been....drinking?"

"Oh, what are you talking about? It's still the same old me. Are you up from awesomeness?!"

Po made one kung fu move, but he slipped and fell down uncoordinated. He started laughing maniacally, which soon got on Shifu's nerves. He grew angerier and exclaimed, "What were you thinking, panda?"

"Come on, you couldn't have let me have some fun. I mean, come on. What's the harm of having 12 drinks?"

"12 drinks?! Let's just get you inside."

Po followed Shifu in the steps, but then he looked at the steps and started to whine. He asked, whining, "Do we have to walk all these steps?"

"You know those steps and you've walked up and down before. Now let's get a move on!"

"Can you carry me?" asked Po.

Shifu looked at him and then, looked at his body size, realizing that he's way too big and drunk to carry him. He responded, "Now way will I carry your enormous butt inside that palace."

"Oh, puh-leeze. My butt is so not that big, master."

He took a quick stare at it and said, "Have you even looked at it and realize how big it is, lately? I mean, if it were any bigger, you could serve dinner for 25 with a butt this big and I'm not talking about the Great Walls of China."

Po laughed hysterically and fell down on the floor, like it was all a joke. Shifu began to be very frustrated at Po's uncoordinated drunkeness and crazy behavior. He said, "Let's keep moving."

"Okey-dokey, artichokey." Po answered.

He started to giggle and Shifu rubbed his temples, groaning and sighing while walking up the steps. When they got to the top, Po started to keep up, but felt like he couldn't take another step.

"How much further is it?"

"You're almost there, panda."

"I can't see you."

Shifu groaned frustratedly and whispered to himself, "It's like I raised a baby cub and he's fully-grown. I've had younger students treated more like adults than this."

He finally got to the top of the steps and panted sharply. He turned around and saw the steps and started laughing at them. He exclaimed, "I LIVE!!!! You can't mess with the Dragon Warrior. I am not the boss of you!"

Then, he fell down on the floor and looked at Shifu and started to ask, "Why do you look so small?"

"Just come inside, now!"

"Okay, you ain't gotta yell."

As they got to the dorms, Po stopped at one of the roomsand got himself a little puzzled. He turned to Shifu and asked, "Which one is mine?"

"Find it yourself."

"Do I have to? I gotta pee."

Shifu sighed and felt compeltely furious, thinking that Po shouldn't have been drinking much. Finally, he said, "Fine. Go pee."

He started walking towards the room until he mistakenly found Tigress' room. And at that point, where he was near Tigress, he started urinating all over her. Shifu dropped his jaw down open and saw Po peeing all over Tigress. Soon enough, Musaki, Mantis, Crane and Monkey were all there seeing their Dragon Warrior urinating Tigress.

"Did he just...?" asked Musaki.

They closed the door, hoping that they wouldn't take any part of it. Then, he saw Po coming out of the room and saw everyone standing in front of him. Musaki asked, "What is up with him?"

"He had a few drinks."

Musaki's eyes grew wider and asked, "You mean, he's..."

"Drunk."

They heard a scream out of nowhere and it came from Tigress' room. She opened the door, looking all furious and mad as heck. She asked, "Who peed on me?"

"Oh, was that you? I thought it was the bathroom." Po said.

"You...."

She started to claw him, but Crane and Musaki held her back. Mantis and Monkey tried to hold him together and Viper overheard the scream and wanted to find out what happened.

"Guys, what happened here?" asked Viper.

"Po peed all over my clothes!" Tigress exclaimed.

Viper looked at him in shock and turned to Po and said, "Why would you do something like that?"

"Viper! Are you ready to dance with the Dragon Warrior? I'm ready to bust a move with you." said Po.

"If you don't back off and shut up, I'll bust a move out of you."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Well, he's-- how do I put this nicely--uncoordinated. Just had a few drinks." answered Crane.

"You mean he's drunk?" asked Viper.

They all nodded his head and Viper started to feel a little disturbed by it. Musaki asked, "How many drinks did he have?"

"12." Shifu answered.

"12?!" they all exclaimed.

"Or was it 16? I'm confused. I can't remember how many drinks I had." Po said.

"Okay, you have gone from goofy to stupid in 2 languages." Shifu said.

"Hey, I may be drunk, but I'm not stupid."

"No, it's urinating all Tigress' clothes that makes you stupid." said Musaki.

"COMPLETELY STUPID!!!" Tigress screamed.

"I've got some backup clothes for you in my room, if you want some."

"Thank you, Musaki."

He brought out some Tigress' clothes that he bought for her in a clothing store and went to her room to put them on. Musaki stayed in the hall with the others, seeing Po acting ridiculous. Musaki turned around and asked, "How in the heck did this happen?"

"I have no idea. This is what he was he came back here." Shifu answered.

"Hey, Lil' Saki. I dare you to kiss my butt."

"Ain't no way I'm kissing your huge butt. I do not kiss butts and that is just so wrong and kinda disturbing."

"Hey, you dare defy the Dragon Warrior's request?"

"Yes, I did. And what are you gonna do about it?"

"I'll let Shifu handle it."

"Musaki's right. There is no way he's gonna kiss your collossal round ball of yours you call a butt." said Shifu.

"I resent that!"

Tigress came out of her room and Po walked right up to her and kissed her dead in the mouth. He exclaimed, "I LOVE YOU!!"

Tigress smacked her in the face and Po winced at it. He asked, "Why are you so tough on me? Don't I deserve a kiss?"

"You've done enough. You need to sleep on it."

"Why should I sleep? The night's still young, the party's just getting started and you know you want a piece of the Dragon Warrior's awesomeness."

Shifu felt like it was hopeless. Musaki saw him walking away and tried to stop him. He said, "Dude, we ain't giving up on this."

"What am I gonna do, Musaki? I want him to sleep him off, but he just wouldn't let me."

Musaki thought of an idea and then in about 4 seconds, one idea struck him out of nowhere that would send him off to sleep. He turned to Shifu and said, "Maybe we can do a little ring-around-the-rosey."

Shifu thought about the idea and thought that it was a stupid idea to do. He turned to him and said, "We're dealing with a crisis here. This is no thime for playing games."

"No, see. We trick Po into thinking we're playing a game, but we're really gonna make him dizzy and then, by the time he falls in his room, he'll be dizzy and won't be able to get up anymore until in the morning." said Musaki.

"But, if he falls down, then he wouldn't get up and he'll fall asleep and he'll feel a total hangover by--"

Shifu paused for a moment, and thought that it would let him fall asleep until Po's head will be pounding by the time he wakes up the next morning. He looks at Musaki and he nods his head and said, "Ah.... then, he'll feel a headache by the time the gong sounds loudly."

"Of course. I guarantee you that he'll never go out drinking again, or ever."

Shifu smiled at him and said, "I'm proud to call you my student."

"I know."

Po started giggling annoying and asked everyone, "Who wants to take me on?!"

He started laughing hysterically and Mantis exclaimed, "Dude, shut the buck up, please! You've been jabbering and doing stupid stuff for almost an hour."

"Hey, everyone. Po, want to play a game with us?" asked Musaki.

"A game? What are we playing?" asked Po.

"We're gonna do a little thing called, ring-around-the-rosey."

"Are you insane?" asked Tigress.

"Oh, come on. If he wants to play a game, let him play a game." said Shifu.

Musaki grabbed both of Po's paws and starts spinning him around and around the hallway while Musaki starts saying,

_Ring around the rosey, a pocket full of posies_

_Ashes and ashes_

_And then we go a little faster_

_Ashes and ashes_

_And then we feel a little dizzy and dizzy_

_Ashes and ashes_

_And then you're starting to feel a little queasy_

_Ashes and ashes_

They saw Po starting to feel a little queasy and he said, "Stop, stop. I'm gonna throw up so bad."

"Open the door!" exclaimed Musaki.

Shifu and Tigress opened Po's door and Musaki shoved him in there and Crane came in the room and tries to find an object where Po can puke in. He suddenly found a little plastic bag and then, they quickly got out of Po's room and he sees the plastic bag, grabs it and then starts throwing up in it. They heard him vomit in it and Shifu said, "He'll be feeling a hangover in the morning."

"This is the best idea you ever thought of, Musaki." said Crane.

"Well, hey, it's just a way of dealing with a drunk dude. Next time, he'll think twice about what happens when he drinks."

"Good work. Now, everyone off to bed. It's late." said Shifu.

Everyone departed to their dorms and went off to sleep and Shifu checked on Po to see if he's sleeping and he finally did sleep. He got of the room and closed the door and went in his room to get some more sleep.

The next day, the gong started to sound and it chimed three times loudly. Po groaned sleepily and felt his head pounding loudly, like it's giving him a headache. He rubbed his head and held on to it. Then, he heard a noise coming from the hallway.

"Good morning, students." Shifu said.

"Good morning, master." everyone said.

Then, they heard a big moan out of nowhere and it came from Po's room. Shifu and Musaki went in his room and sees Po in a hangover, seeing that he has a headache and it's a loud one. Shifu asked, "You all right, panda?"

Po groaned loudly and said, "Could you please keep the noise down? It's pounding my head."

"Aw, that's a shame." said Musaki, sarcastically.

"Yeah, I bet it's giving you a major pain." said Shifu, in a fake whine.

They looked at each other and high-fived themselves. The others disperse into the training hall outside and Shifu felt like it was time to talk to Po. He looked at Musaki and said, "Why don't you go with them at the training hall? I'd like to have a word alone with the drunken dragon warrior."

"No probs, master."

Musaki left the room, leaving Shifu alone with Po to talk. He sighed and came in, with the almost sobering panda. He looked at him and said, "You have really disappointed me last night, panda."

"I know and I'm sorry that I ever drank. I just took it all in to relieve my stress from all that training." Po said.

"It's not easy being the Dragon Warrior, isn't it?" Shifu asked.

"Definitely not. It's so much work and I just felt like I need to have some fun and it looks like I just messed it up."

"No, panda. You drinking, that's messed up. You are the Dragon Warrior and you have to set an example to others, especially the little kids. You don't want to see them drinking because of you, right?"

Po sighed and said, "I get what you mean now, master. And I'm really, really sorry that I caused you guys so much danger. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't forgive me."

"What would make you think that I won't forgive you? Of course I would forgive you, Po. No matter what stupid things you've done, I will always forgive you."

"Thank you, master. And I won't drink anymore."

"Let's go out and train."

Po got up with little strength and followed Shifu with him. As he got to the training hall, they saw the others waiting for them outside. When they saw Po, they started to look a little distant, but Po said, "I wanted to say I'm sorry about my behavior last night. It was just stupid of me to get drunk in front of you guys, so can you forgive me?"

They all bowed down and said, "Yes, master."

"I mean, it was kinda distrubing, but the funny part was that you peed on Tigress' clothes while she was sleeping."

Po started to blush and asked, "I did that?"

"Yeah, you did." answered Tigress.

They all laughed and started to wonder that it was a ridiculous antic he had done and regretted it. He turned to her and said, "Hey, I'm really sorry about that."

"It's okay."

"And the fact that you wanted me to kiss your butt." said Musaki.

"Oh, man. That would be disgusting."

"Ya think? And also, you kissed me and Tigress and it was so gross."

"Hey, I'm sorry, you guys. That was so stupid of me. I didn't even know what I was thinking."

"You weren't thinking." said Mantis.

"Well, at least my dad doesn't know about it."

Shifu and Musaki looked at each other and realized that he doesn't know that his son is drunk. They both laughed nervously and Musaki said, "Yeah... about that...."

They heard a door opening and it was Mr. Ping, looking completely shocked and furious. He quickly ran up to Po and exclaimed, "I can't believe my own son is drunk! Why would you do that? What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't thinking, dad! I didn't even know you found out."

"Your so called, 'new friends' told me everything and I had to find out where you are."

"Dad, it's all over. I won't drink anymore."

"I got to put you in my intensive care."

"Dad, please, not the acupuncture and shock treatment. Last time I did that, I had shocks all over me and it got me paralyzed for 3 days."

Musaki turned to Shifu and asked, "Think we should tell him?"

"Do you?" asked Shifu.

They looked at Po and Mr. Ping trying to get him to sober himself up and turned to each other and said, in unison, "Nah."

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Funny, ain't it? Hope this gives a lot of buzz over this fic. I hope you all like it! Toodles!


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